Totally (Not) Gay
by Thriller Killer
Summary: Dipper is the most unfortunate preteen ever. He has no girlfriend, he's stuck in the weird Gravity Falls for the entire summer, and worst of all, his own twin sister and crush continually call him gay! Angered, Dipper goes off into the woods. All he asks for is a few moments of peace. What he gets is a possessive dream demon harassing him now, too. Could this get any worse?


**A/N: Hey, hey, hey, I'm TK and here today with a brand new BillDip oneshot, yay!**

 **So, Gravity Falls has captured my attention once again (dammit, I thought I was finally freed from this evil). And that means my old ships from the show are starting to resurface! BillDip, Macifica, Fiddleauthor, you get the idea. Since I've been reading so much more BillDip fics recently, I decided to make my own small little oneshot. Because why the fuck not?**

 **Just some info before we start, though!**

 **This takes place after Sock Opera, but before Not What He Seems. Also, it's not pedophilia, since Bill is ageless, and the age he takes on in his human form in here is about 13 or something (it's within Dipper's age group okay). So this is not underage. And don't fucking yell at me for liking BillDip 'cause that ain't changing my ship at all. In fact, I'll start loving it even more! If that's even possible since BillDip is my favorite ship out of all my fandoms.**

 **Speaking of fandoms, I've pushed Undertale to the side. Gravity Falls has me ensnared once more.**

 **With that being said, read, review, and most of all, enjoy!**

* * *

It was a beautiful summer day in Gravity Falls. Birds chipped, the hot sun beat down on the land, and everyone was content. Well, except for one particularly unfortunate boy known by the name Dipper.

The male Pines twin was sitting out in the front yard of the Mystery Shack, while Mabel and Wendy sat on the deck and whispered loudly about him. Seriously, could their level of volume even be considered a whisper?

"Dipper is totally gay," Mabel, his (sadly) older twin giggled.

"Yup, totally. It's official," Wendy agreed, eyes squinted in laughter and against the bright sun.

Dipper had been trying to ignore their taunts for well over an hour. He was pretending to be completely enamored with the Journal in front of him, even though he was more focused on the girls poking fun at him and had not even turned a page since they came out. His pale cheeks flushed as the duo continued their taunts.

"Look at him!" Mabel cried, "He's blushing 'cause he knows it's true! C'mon, bro-bro, admit it!"

"Yeah, Dipper, be open with yourself!"

Now they weren't even trying to hide it. In complete frustration, Dipper slammed his Journal shut, making the girls jump at the sudden noise. The boy got a slight twinge of satisfaction from this.

"I. Am. Not. Gay!" Dipper yelled, voice cracking near the end of his accentuated sentence, making Mabel laugh even harder alongside Wendy.

"Okay, Dip-Dop, whatever you say!" Came his sister's irking reply.

Wendy continued giggling. The boy out in the yard stood up, lips pursing and dark optics widening in disbelief at their antics. Seriously? Wendy even knew he had a crush on her! Thinking of this gave him a slight pink blush, but he shifted back over to the more relevant anger brewing inside of him. They could use his blush against him.

The redhead led the next tease. "It's okay to be gay!"

Pink heat exploded on his face and blurred his vision this time. Deep down, the boy knew they were just doing this to get a rise out of him, and they were succeeding because he was letting his anger get the best of him. But the emotion was so intense that he couldn't let logic take over.

"Mabel, Wendy, please..." his voice came out as a whine.

Mabel stuck her tongue out at this. "Aw, but where's the fun in leaving you alone?"

"I don't know, just, go play with Waddles or something!"

"After you play with a new boy toy I'm going to get for you!"

Dipper's crush howled in laughter at this comeback. More rage consumed him.

He muttered and curled his hands into fists, "I can't believe how immature you're being."

Somehow, Mabel heard him, and she said, "Believe it, bro-bro! Like I believe you're gay!" She did jazz hands to emphasize this last word.

Dipper, his world now a haze of scarlet, stormed over to the porch where the two stood. His twin sister squeaked and jumped away from him while Wendy tried to stifle her snorts.

"Hey, c'mon, Dipper, it's just a joke," the redhead tried explaining while wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.

"Yeah, well..." Dipper paused on the wooden deck to face her, trailed off and then ran inside.

He started towards the staircase, making sure not to arise suspicion from his Grunkle Stan, who was sitting on the living room seat and watching the TV intently. The old man didn't look up as the boy snuck behind the chair. Relieved, Dipper moved swiftly up the steps and to the room he shared with Mabel. He put the Journal away, threw himself on his bed, and sighed miserably. There was no getting away from those two girls now. It was even more embarrassing that Wendy, the person who should be the last to call him gay, was joining in on his sister's antics! If this continued he would...

He didn't know what he would do.

Perhaps he could find a girlfriend?

 _No, no,_ Dipper told himself in a sadly candid manner, _nobody would ever be willing to go out with me._

Wendy said she was "too old", despite her being a measly three years ahead. The preteen let out another heaving sigh and rubbed one of his eyes with his palm. He then pulled away, smacked his lips, and rolled over to his side on the bed to face the wall. Splintering wood greeted him and a few odd patches of what seemed to be slime. In disgust, Dipper scooted away. He accidentally moved over too much and then fell off the bed, landing in a crumpled heap on the floor.

At that exact moment, he heard the front door to the shack open and the voices of Mabel and Wendy accompanying it. Dipper groaned and stood up to stretch. He really did not want to face his twin sister or crush at the moment. So, sneaking across the room and opening the door quietly, he scooted down the stairs and to the back door. The duo of girls were still in the gift shop part of the shack much to the boy's relief. He made sure his Grunkle Stan was still glued to the television. Sure enough, the old man was. Dipper looked at the door, cast one final glance over his shoulder, and slipped outside.

A warm summer breeze greeted him back out to the wilderness. It beckoned him into the woods, and he happily obliged to the escape. Escape from the taunts, escape from the stuffy home, escape from the rest of the world. This would be a good time to go explore and check out some of the interesting things in the Journal. Dipper reached into his navy blue vest, only to realize that he had left the book back at the Mystery Shack. He growled in frustration, readjusted his hat, and set forwards again. No way was he letting something like that get in his way. That was stupid. That was illogical. But he really did want something to read. Another noise of anger escaped him and he kicked a nearby tree trunk. Pain shot up his leg and the preteen yelped, glad that no one was there to see him.

Or so he thought.

Pressing forwards, Dipper made sure to keep to the parts of the forest that he knew to avoid any unnecessary (most likely dangerous) situations. He knew of a small clearing somewhere. The boy spun in a complete three-sixty, searching for any familiar landscapes around him. After regaining his sense of direction, he set off again.

It took no time at all for him to find the little yet peaceful clearing. A light smile traced his lips. The figure, who the boy had not noticed (nor will notice in his current dimension), crossed his arms at this. Pine Tree was too adorable for his own good.

Dipper stepped forwards, into the ray of sunlight that pierced the expanse, allowing the beams to heat his skin. He sat down in a criss cross formation. The grass was surprisingly cool, despite it being in the sun for all day. This was refreshing for the preteen. No Mabel. No Wendy. No girls in general. No worries.

Maybe that last part was a bit of an exaggeration. Okay, so not a bit. It was a huge understatement.

His legs uncrossed and he leaned back on his elbows for support. The sun hadn't gotten in his eyes yet thanks to his blue hat. Dipper took a moment and held his breath to appreciate the sounds of nature without any disturbances. Birds chirped, bees buzzed, and if he listened hard enough he could hear water running over rocks in a stream somewhere around him. He closed his eyes and leaned all the way back so he was laying in the carpet of vegetation around him, hands clasped behind his head. This was easy to get used to.

However, a little while after he had shut his eyes, the sounds of the forest faded away slowly. First it was like someone had turned the volume down on your headphones only a few levels, then it sounded like an abnormally quiet radio stations, next it had turned into very faint background noise, and it finally tapered off. The brunette frowned at this, his brow scrunching, smile downturned. It was unnerving how quickly everything had dispersed. There could be something dangerous around, making all of the woodland creatures scatter in fright. Not wanting to risk his hide for a few more moments of relaxation, Dipper opened his optics.

He came face to face with a glowing, gold triangle and a single slitted eye.

The boy hollered and jumped back like someone had shocked him. Then, the isosceles demon started howling with laughter.

"Boy, Pine Tree, you should have seen the look on your face!" Bill Cipher hooted, wiping a fake tear from his eye and twirling his cane in the other hand. "I swear, kid, you're gonna give yourself a heart attack one day!"

"What?! No! Is that seriously how I'm going to die?"

"Well, actually, you'll die when-"

"Don't answer that!"

Bill laughed manically at his Pine Tree's outburst, trying to refrain from kicking his small legs, and barely managed to settle himself down enough to continue talking.

Dipper pushed himself upwards and stuttered, "W-What do you want?"

"What do I want?" Echoed the dream demon. "More like what do you want! I told ya, kid, I'm always watching you," his Eye of Providence flashed at this remark, "and it seems to me you've been having trouble with Shooting Star and Red."

"Yeah, well, what's it to you? And I'm not making a deal!" Dipper's voice raised at his last sentence as he remembered the events of not too long ago.

Bill had managed to manipulate him into making a deal for the password to the laptop, in exchange the triangle would receive a puppet. It went horribly wrong. The yellow demon took over his body as his new "puppet", destroyed the laptop, and proceeded to cause the boy's body as much pain as possible. The preteen still had a few bruises left.

As if reading his thoughts, Cipher gave a not-so warm reassurance. "Relax, Pine Tree, I just want to help!"

Dipper's eyebrow shot up. Help? How on Earth could this, this thing, help with anything? Especially in his predicament! Why would his enemy want to help with anything?

Bill decided to read his thoughts again. "C'mon, kid, I don't have all day. I want to help because I like you." He accentuated this last part by widening his eye.

The boy gave him a dubious look.

"What? I like you! You just keep getting in my way so I have to hurt you!" Bill said this all too cheerfully, and he gave a look like he was grinning. "Choose carefully, Pine Tree. What idiot would pass up such a great offer like this?!"

Dipper eyed the isosceles triangle up and down, wondering if there were any strings attached or an ulterior motive to this strange display. This demon was tricky, he had learned his lesson, but this didn't seem too bad... Despite the fact that the triangle he was negotiating with already made an awful deal with the boy and tried to hand over the Mystery Shack to Gideon.

Dipper sighed, standing up to be eye level with the triangle. "Fine," he told him.

"Good choice, Pine Tree! Just let me..." Bill trailed off and snapped his fingers, producing something like a projection board.

Man, was Dipper going to regret this.

"So, your sister and..." the demon refrained from growling in possessiveness at the next word, "crush, think you're gay."

"But I'm not!"

"You sure about that, kid?" A wicked smirk was thrown the boy's way as Bill put on a projection.

 _Oh, god,_ the preteen swallowed.

Of course the stupid dream demon would be doing this. He had put on tons of projections of different boys, all around his age group. Dipper tried to ignore the red headed one.

"Hey, look at this one!" Came the iconic annoying voice, knocking the preteen out of his stupor.

Bill Cipher was pointing to a blond one, but he removed it from the screen before Dipper could get a good look.

"I don't know how this is beneficial to me," the boy mumbled, trying to sound bored.

"Sure, Pine Tree," said Bill in a sarcastic voice as he floated behind the brunette twin.

"Seriously, just leave me alone..."

The triangle ignored this and rolled his eye, then focused on changing his form to the blonde that was on the screen for a split second. This was going to be an interesting little test.

"Oh, that's no fun," he replied, still behind Dipper, testing out the human form he had taken on and fixing a few bumps in the design.

"None of this is fun!"

"It is for me," a chuckle came from the blonde, and he readjusted his bow tie before stepping in front of Dipper.

The boy ha his eyes shut angrily, "Well, I don't care about-" He opened them and saw the new form Bill had taken on. "-you?"

"You like it?" An actual shit eating grin appearing on the newly formed human's lips.

"What are you doing?!" Dipper yelped, cursing himself for his voice cracking.

Bill had decided to go above and beyond with his clothing. He was wearing a suit, with black slacks, black gloves and longs sleeves, a yellow vest, and he had added a stupid upside down triangle eye patch.

"I'm bored and testing out a meat bag body, kid!" His cat like eyes lit up. "Looking at these people inspired me."

Gray leaves crackled underneath Dipper's feet as he shuffles them awkwardly. "Can I please get out of here now? It's bad enough with you being here, let alone you messing with me about... this, too."

"Aw, is Pine Tree sad?" Bill Cipher chortled and grabbed the boy by his shoulders, spinning him around by them.

"No!"

When he stopped spinning the preteen, Bill forced him into a dip dance move and stuck his face in the boy's. Dipper screamed and fell back and landed in the soft grass. The dream demon snorted at the other's pain and reverted back into his triangle form.

"You're no fun," he huffed and crossed his skinny arms, floating upwards. "I was just trying to help you be open about your feelings."

"C-Can I go now?" The brunette squeaked and his knees shook as he stood back up again.

A glare was flashed his way, and Bill complied begrudgingly. "Fine, get outta here, Pine Tree. Just remember, I'm always watching you!"

With a snap of the demon's fingers, the greyscale Mindscape fell away, and Dipper woke up to find himself hollering. Sweat dripped from his brown hair and down his face. He wiped his brow, and scrambled up from the ground. Wondering what the hell Bill was playing at that time, he glanced at the trees in bewilderment, and ran off into the woods.

He was never, ever going back there again.

Back in the Mindscape, the evil triangle cackled at his Pine Tree's baffled state, and clapped his hands together. He hasn't been able to, ah... "seduce" (or whatever humans call it) his latest obsession this time. But it could work. Maybe the isosceles monster could capture the kid when he ruled the world! That was a good idea. What wasn't a good idea, however, was letting himself become too enamored with Pine Tree. How could he not help himself, though? Dipper was smart, awkward, and even though he didn't realize it, he could be pretty hilarious at times. Like that adorable reaction to more of the dream demon's teasing earlier.

Chuckling to himself darkly, Bill Cipher swung his cane, planning on how he was going to toy with Dipper Pines next time.

* * *

 **A/N: W-Was it good? No...? Okay...**

 **Haha but I hope you liked it.**

 **I adore the idea of Bill being obsessed and or in love with Dipper, but not really being able to show it properly and comes off as hating Pine Tree because the kid keeps getting in his way and Bill has to hurt him for that. What am I going to do with the triangular demon?**

 **Again, don't fucking flame.**

 **This is not pedophilia. And it's not wrong. Bill is just going about his feelings the wrong way. If he was nicer then maybe Dipper would like him. There's still the problem of him trying to take over the world...**

 **Peace out, Rainbow Trout.**

 **Review and fave!**


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